Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Am I Excited About This Baby?

It's a valid question. 

Our 3-bedroom home feels full with twin one-year-olds, a preschooler, and a kindergartener. Our work is unstable, healthcare not ideal, and we just decided we can't afford a dog. 

[New Baby enter Stage Left]

Let's start with all the things I'm mad at: 

1. A system that expects employers to cover healthcare (I keep typing WTF after this and then deleting it and then re-typing it and then deleting it. I sincerely hope you're not offended; but it needs to be there.)

2. Employers doing everything possible to not cover healthcare 

3. The Catholic Church telling us children are a blessing, to welcome them with open arms, while Catholic education becomes increasingly affordable only for families of 2 blessings or less

4. All the stuff I'd like to buy -- weekly massages, annual family vacation, babysitting for date nights, date nights, unlimited fruit snacks, a giant trampoline, and a dog

5. Sitting outside the sanctuary with a one-year-old during Mass (and thinking, I'll probably be sitting outside the sanctuary during Mass for many more years to come) (and also thinking, waffles and bacon would be so good right now -- followed by, wait, ancient liturgy, heaven on earth, here, right now -- followed by, mmm... waffles)

6. Living in a place that's completely dependent on cars to get anywhere

So it's not crazy for my super-amazing midwife (who knows all of this about me, since the twins gave us so much quality time together just a year earlier) to ask how I felt about another baby. And given the logistics of large families in our world today, I don't think she's crazy for offering me contraception every time I visit!

[Aside: I did the whole Catholic, pro-life obgyn thing, and it really sucked. Let's not get played by doctors or businesses or politicians throwing around the "Catholic" card.]

Anyway, if I look past all the stuff that makes having a baby seem untenable -- and sure, there's plenty -- I am surprisingly, legitimately excited about a new baby. 

Our family is awesome, and not in the sense that we're better than every other family, and my kids are the best kids ever, and everyone should have 17 children; it's just that I really like our family

And yes, it seems like every time I start a new dream job that I'm going to have until I retire, I get pregnant and life changes (4 for 5 on that stat), but maybe, I just have a whole lot of dream jobs, and I'm getting to do all of them. (Or maybe I should quit them all and take care of all these children, my goodness.) Let's not get into that. 

When it comes down to the little microcosm of things that actually matter to me in life -- none of the swirling changing unpredictable unimportant sideshows considered -- YES, I am unequivocally thrilled about a sweet new little baby to join our crazy wonderful crew. 




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