Saturday, April 18, 2015

How To Resolve Any Customer Service Situation

Wally covered Steps 1 - 6, spending A YEAR trying to work things out with this company. Thanks to his patience and perseverance, I got to jump straight to Step 7.

1. You call a customer service representative for the company. Work with them. Stay with it. You will find a solution. Keep working with them.

You are low-key. You are patient. You are calm.

2. You ask to speak with someone who can help resolve the situation, perhaps a boss. Not available? You are happy to leave a voicemail.

You are cheerful. You are optimistic. You are calm.

3. You check in again. Just to see. Keep calling. Check-in again. Check-in again. Check-in again.

You are chill. You are kind. You are calm.

4. You ask to please file a complaint. You ask to please check on the complaint filed. You ask to please escalate the complaint filed to the attention of SomeoneAnyone.

You are carefree. You are light-hearted. You are calm.

5. You explain again to someone new. Remember to smile while talking on the phone. You are transferred. Explain it again. You are transferred. Smile. Explain it again.

You are chatty. You are appreciative. You are calm.

6. You send a letter. It is polite. You send five copies to five different people in the company. Perhaps someone will read it. Perhaps someone will reply.

You are polite. You are hopeful. You are calm.

7. You Go Crazy and draft this letter:


Dear Chase,

My husband, Paul, just shared your reply email with me.

I’m so glad you’ve gotten to meet my husband over the past year of attempting to resolve this order. Paul is kind, patient, and diplomatic, and I so appreciate that he’s taken point on this project.

But that makes me the somewhat impulsive, crazy spouse who never sleeps and drinks too much coffee. This lifestyle choice gives me time to feed babies all night and surf the internet. (We have so many babies. So Many. And high-speed internet. But I guess everyone does now. (Have the internet, not the babies.))

Anyway this combination of sleeplessness, carelessness, time, and internet is a terrible weight. The Lord Jesus Christ helps me keep it in check. And my ever-loving, ever-patient husband.

But when I checked reviews online and saw that your company’s using the same drawn-out unethical scheming tactics on others, Jesus said to let my righteous crazy go. 

When I asked my husband if I could go BatShitCrazy, he said to wait. So I waited. And waited. And waited, buoyed by his own endless ocean supply of patience. But then he got tired of waiting too, and said I could let it go.

So here it goes.

Just thought I’d give you a heads up.

Charlene


Picture Source

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Heard Around the House 2

THE FIVE-YEAR-OLD

Joe: "Mama, I think 'covet' means to blow someone's house down."

Joe: "I don't have a battery, so I never run out of energy."

Joe: "I'm a little worried about that smell in the bathroom."

Me: "What'd you learn at school today?"
Joe: "We didn't trace fives!"


THE THREE-YEAR-OLD

Josh: "I'm going to have a Joshua Shop. And I'm going to sell excavators and candy."

Josh: "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! THE MUSIC IS MAKING TOO MUCH MUSIC!"

Me: "Hey, Josh-Baby. Let me help you with your shirt."
Josh: "I'm not a baby. I'm a helicopter-man."

Josh: "Mom, can you please kill this dead bug?"

Josh: "I always follow you to the bathroom, because I have something to tell you."


THANK YOU, YOUTUBE

Joe: "Why do snakes live in water?"

Me: "Maybe they like to eat fish."

Joe: "Oh. Do the snakes outside the water like to eat squirrels?"

Me: "Yep. Would you like to see a video of a snake eating a squirrel?"

Joe and Josh: "YES!"

...compliments of YouTube...

Joe: "BUT THE SQUIRREL DIES!"