Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Top 10 Ways Kids Make Life Easier

1. Door-to-door salespeople don't want to come in your home. 

"YOU'RE SELLING WHAT? HOME FISHING NET? OH, HOME INTERNET! WHAT? YOU CAN SEE I'M BUSY AND WILL COME BACK ANOTHER TIME? OK!"

2. You're the last person anyone calls for help. 

"Hey, in the Austin caravan last weekend, my car got a flat, so I left it in Hillsboro. Could you drive me down to pick it up? Oh, we'll need to take all the kids with us for three hours in the car and stop every 30 minutes for potty breaks? I think my other friend said they might be able to help..."

3. Long, awkward conversations end before they get long and awkward.

You know those one-sided conversations with someone you just met who mistakenly thought you'd be super interested in the polymer building blocks of food-grade plastic storage containers? "Emergency texts" from the babysitter are always a valid out.

4. Weird personal questions can be avoided. 

"So, havin' any more, or are ya done?"

"Well, my kids are getting antsy, I need to go now. Let's pick this up again soon, stranger!" 

5. Someone will answer your weird personal questions for you. 

"Mom said she doesn't need any more little monkeys in the house." 

6. You're too old to act like a baby over long check-out lines, but your kids aren't. 

After 4 minutes in the check-out line, I stop singing "Twinkle, Twinkle," and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," and just let the kids wail. Usually another line will open pretty quickly. 

7. Property taxes plummet. 
Did you know... the Appraisal Board can lower your property value and as a result your taxes owed, based on an overview of damages? (i.e. the missing drywall where a kid skateboarded into the wall, the water damage from a kid leaving the window open in a rainstorm, the patio door shattered by an errant soccer ball)

8. Kids think anything you do is hilarious.

"Peek-a-boo!" "...and this little piggy cried, 'Whee-whee-whee' all the way home!"

"BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DADDY, YOU ARE SO FUNNY!"

9. Uh, uh, uh...

I tried to make this a Top Ten list, but after weeks of wracking my brain, I've got nothing. Let's be real here. Kids bring messes, ER trips, and exhaustion. I'll grant that they make life more crazy, hopeful, fascinating, loving, and fun, but easier? No way.

 

1 comment:

  1. Fr. Brian Eilers (1 of 2 oldest (twin), of 5 children) said that his Mom always would respond to him & his siblings question of why they didn't get a dishwasher with, "Oh! But I already have 5!"

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