1. On Potty Training
How does potty training even happen? We don't know what we're doing. He doesn't know what he's doing. And if someone did a word chart of popular words in our house right now, it would look like this:
2. In Memoriam: Grammar
Did you know March 4th was National Grammar Day? I know, I missed it too. But it didn't stop me from taking a patriotic pause, three days late, to honor the memory of grammar in America. Remember when spelling was a subject in school, and people took the effort to write out TTYL, SMH, and WTH?
3. WTH????Sexual abuse is discovered after a young girl gets pregnant, and doctors respond by giving her a contraceptive implant. This girl doesn't need contraception; she needs to be protected from her pedophile step-father! Instead of putting an IV of artificial hormones into a 12-year-old, they should castrate the guy who did this to her.
4. On Fashion
I like to wear socks with high heels. But only if I know my skirt or pants are long enough to cover where the socks meet my leg. Maybe people will think, "Oh that girl's so fashionable with her opaque patterned tights," instead of, "OMG, she's wearing argyle ankle socks with heels in a skirt." Apparently my fashion sense is now affecting our three-year-old.
|Brown pants with blue socks with black shoes. 'Cuz that's how we roll.|
5. On Elevator Abuse
I realized this week I am unable to use the express elevator override in moderation. I need to figure something out before my coworkers stage an intervention.
6. On Parenthood, Dreams, and Fear
I thought I was ready for marriage and kids, but who can ever really be "ready"? Lately I've wondered if the unfinished business of my pre-family dreams will slowly dissipate from my thoughts, lurk around until I die, or circle back in some way. This new season, onset four years ago by insistent pink plus signs on successive, confounded pregnancy tests, brings fear, so much fear. And a roaring courage.
7. The Wheels On The Bus
My 3-year-old has learned to make up new verses to this over-sung classic. The latest and most popular verse? "The poop on the bus goes 'poop, poop, poop,' 'poop, poop, poop,' 'poop, poop, poop.' The poop on the bus goes 'poop, poop, poop.' Aaaall through the toooooown." Obviously he has terrible parents.