Friday, June 19, 2015

24 Things I Told Myself Instead of Just Taking Anti-Depressants

1. I just need more sleep.

2. I just need to be more patient.

3. I just need a break from the kids.

4. There's not even such thing as post-partum depression. It's just something other moms make up who can't handle their kids.

5. It's too expensive. First you have to pay for the doctor's appointment, and then a regular prescription of anti-depressants.

6. I don't even take my vitamins regularly. What makes me think I could take anything else regularly?

7. What will people think? I can't even potty train my kids without posting a blog about it. Obviously I'll blab all over the internet about being incapable of raising kids without being medicated.

8. If I'm going to get 2 hours without kids, I'd rather go to the library than the doctor's office.

9. It's just a tough couple of weeks. Things will change.

10. It's just my hormones. Things will change.

11. It's just my husband's work schedule. Things will change.

12. I'm still functional and interactive. Things can't be that bad.

13. I just need to get more exercise.

14. None of my friends had to take anti-depressants. (Yeah right, just like I'm sure none of my friends have fed their kids Cheerios for 3 meals in one day.)

15. I've just been listening to too much music. (Voice in my head: "You know music makes you emotional.")

16. Women have been raising kids for thousands of years and doing way more work, without anti-depressants.

17. I need to suck it up and just do it. Do it!

18. A few crappy months won't kill anyone. Wally & the kids will be okay. Just give it time.

19. People will think I have bad coping skills. It will undermine my credibility.

20. I'm going to make having kids look bad. People already think moms with lots of young kids are crazy. Don't give them ammunition!

21. I'm doing a lot right now. It's normal to feel tired, unmotivated, and anxious. Life will cycle again, and I'll be back to my old self.

22. Plenty of women in third world countries are raising kids without washing machines, dishwashers, and antidepressants.

23. Antidepressants will prevent my body from regulating its own happiness in the future, and I'll never be happy again without medication.

24. But I just need to cut out coffee, read this advice book, eat less sugar, join a moms group, dab these three essential oils behind my ears seven times a day, demand more "me" time, re-allocate grocery money to those magic green-or-pink smoothies, start a new personal hobby, wake up early to enjoy nature, exercise 30 minutes every evening, and eat three square meals a day with two healthy snacks! Why isn't this working?!!

When I finally called my obgyn to talk about post-partum depression, I cried on the phone with the receptionist. (We'd been through a lot together. I feel like the whole office became part of our family through that pregnancy.)

Guys. This was the easiest obgyn appointment ever. 

My doctor spent 20 minutes listening to me and asking some questions, gave me reassurance and comfort, referrals for some counselors, and a low-dose of Zoloft. 

She said I probably wouldn't feel any effects of the Zoloft, at least for a week, but it made an immediate difference. 

The world slowed down, normal interactions lost their intensity, and I could make calmer, more deliberate decisions. 

For me, depression wasn't sadness or a cloudy day. It's a sunny day, so bright, with rays so intense and piercing that I can't escape. 

Everyone experiences pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum life differently. Despite all the smiling advertisements, I don't think these are easy seasons for any woman! 

For some, improvement is found in dietary changes, supplements, and adaptations in routine. If these don't work for you, don't let it add to your depression or anxiety! 

There are great medications out there that can help alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. Do you take Tylenol when you have a headache? Do you cough down Pepto on an upset stomach? Does your doctor prescribe a Z-pack when you need an antibiotic? The physiological side effects of depression and anxiety can also be helped with medication. 

If you're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, don't be afraid to check in with your doctor.

It's also possible that the "It's Like They Know Us" Tumblr feed could solve all of your problems.

This picture is captioned: "Sit back and enjoy a hot cup of coffee as you casually observe your child in her brand new Baby Containment Module! Baby Containment Module fits seamlessly into any decor, and baby will be happy to play for hours without hanging white-knuckled from the sides, wailing like a wild snot-covered banshee whose only goal is to keep you from going to the bathroom. Baby Containment Module, it’s everywhere you want them to be."

Saturday, April 18, 2015

How To Resolve Any Customer Service Situation

Wally covered Steps 1 - 6, spending A YEAR trying to work things out with this company. Thanks to his patience and perseverance, I got to jump straight to Step 7.

1. You call a customer service representative for the company. Work with them. Stay with it. You will find a solution. Keep working with them.

You are low-key. You are patient. You are calm.

2. You ask to speak with someone who can help resolve the situation, perhaps a boss. Not available? You are happy to leave a voicemail.

You are cheerful. You are optimistic. You are calm.

3. You check in again. Just to see. Keep calling. Check-in again. Check-in again. Check-in again.

You are chill. You are kind. You are calm.

4. You ask to please file a complaint. You ask to please check on the complaint filed. You ask to please escalate the complaint filed to the attention of SomeoneAnyone.

You are carefree. You are light-hearted. You are calm.

5. You explain again to someone new. Remember to smile while talking on the phone. You are transferred. Explain it again. You are transferred. Smile. Explain it again.

You are chatty. You are appreciative. You are calm.

6. You send a letter. It is polite. You send five copies to five different people in the company. Perhaps someone will read it. Perhaps someone will reply.

You are polite. You are hopeful. You are calm.

7. You Go Crazy and draft this letter:

Dear Chase,

My husband, Paul, just shared your reply email with me.

I’m so glad you’ve gotten to meet my husband over the past year of attempting to resolve this order. Paul is kind, patient, and diplomatic, and I so appreciate that he’s taken point on this project.

But that makes me the somewhat impulsive, crazy spouse who never sleeps and drinks too much coffee. This lifestyle choice gives me time to feed babies all night and surf the internet. (We have so many babies. So Many. And high-speed internet. But I guess everyone does now. (Have the internet, not the babies.))

Anyway this combination of sleeplessness, carelessness, time, and internet is a terrible weight. The Lord Jesus Christ helps me keep it in check. And my ever-loving, ever-patient husband.

But when I checked reviews online and saw that your company’s using the same drawn-out unethical scheming tactics on others, Jesus said to let my righteous crazy go. 

When I asked my husband if I could go BatShitCrazy, he said to wait. So I waited. And waited. And waited, buoyed by his own endless ocean supply of patience. But then he got tired of waiting too, and said I could let it go.

So here it goes.

Just thought I’d give you a heads up.


Picture Source

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Heard Around the House 2


Joe: "Mama, I think 'covet' means to blow someone's house down."

Joe: "I don't have a battery, so I never run out of energy."

Joe: "I'm a little worried about that smell in the bathroom."

Me: "What'd you learn at school today?"
Joe: "We didn't trace fives!"


Josh: "I'm going to have a Joshua Shop. And I'm going to sell excavators and candy."


Me: "Hey, Josh-Baby. Let me help you with your shirt."
Josh: "I'm not a baby. I'm a helicopter-man."

Josh: "Mom, can you please kill this dead bug?"

Josh: "I always follow you to the bathroom, because I have something to tell you."


Joe: "Why do snakes live in water?"

Me: "Maybe they like to eat fish."

Joe: "Oh. Do the snakes outside the water like to eat squirrels?"

Me: "Yep. Would you like to see a video of a snake eating a squirrel?"

Joe and Josh: "YES!"

...compliments of YouTube...